Our introduction of the letter Lamed, last week, identified two aspects for us to look at:
the word Lamed means to learn as well as to teach, and the letter Lamed is the
letter connected with the heart, which in Hebrew is Lev (Lamed, Beit). Our
discussion this week focuses on the relationship between Lamed and Lev, the
heart and the holidays in the month of Tishrei.

We pointed out Lamed's connection to Lev from several perspectives which we can keep
in mind as we continue our learning. First, the letter Lamed, being one of the
central letters of the Alef-Beit, lies at the "heart" of the 22 letters.
Second, the word for heart, Lev, begins with the letter Lamed followed by the
letter Beit. Beit, with its gematria of 2 hints at the idea of a heart being
two Lameds. Rabbi Abraham Abulafia's explanation adds that it is not just two
Lameds that make a Lev, a heart, but that the heart is the secret of two
Lameds face to face and connected ( a heart shape is formed when two Lameds
face each other and touch).

Ben Kurtzer points out that when we spell out the word Lamed (Lamed, Mem, Dalet)
and calculate it's "mispar katan mispari", it's integral reduced value, which means taking
the gematria of each of those letters (30+40+4=74) and reducing the 74 to it's smallest number (7+4=11) and then (1+1=2), we see that 2 is the essence of Lamed and we are
again brought to the idea of two Lameds.

Last week we raised several questions that are related. We
wondered about how to understand the sequence of our holidays. Why is Rosh
Hashana before Yom Kippur? Wouldn't it make more sense to celebrate a New Year
after sincerely repenting? In Parshat Nitzavim, G-d's circumcision of our hearts
occurs once we have repented and returned to G-d, spiritually as well as physically
to the Land of Israel. If one's heart has repented, then what further
impediment needs to be removed?

The first question points to a new way of seeing Rosh Hashana, not as an endpoint of our repentance, but as an awakening our awareness and desire for intimacy with G-d, who forgives us. Being granted a new year is not the goal, even being granted forgiveness is not the prize-it is a means to a reconnection with G-d.

This closeness and intimacy can only be acheived through the process of turning to face what we have lost in our relationship and then we can come face to face with how much the relationship means to us. We face the reality of what we have done to distance ourselves in the relationship and what we have to do to remove the barriers that are preventing the intimacy that we crave. It is this process of turning to face G-d, that brings about the emotional breakthrough required for re-establishing the intimacy. It is from there that we can move on and grow. Only then can the relationship flow again.

Terry Samuel connects this flow in our relationship with G-d to the the flow of blood to our heart. Our relationship needs to be re-oxygenated the further it has flowed from G-d. [ Perhaps the other letters of the word Lamed, the Mem and Dalet, are also a hint, as one reverses the flow of the Mem-Dalet, to Dalet-Mem, the word spelled is Dam, blood].

In chapter 30 of Parshat Nitzavim, this curious process of teshuva and intimacy is described. The Jewish people move from exile to ultimate closeness with G-d. In the initial
stages we are told that our teshuva is a return "toward G-d," "Ad Hashem." (30:2). G-d rewards us by gathering our exiles, bringing us together in the Land of Israel. Again, this is not the prize. Once we have returned, "Hashem, your G-d, will circumcise your heart." When we are opened up to see G-d forgiving us even though we are unworthy, we can reach a new level of intimacy in our relationship with G-d. The final stage of closeness is described as G-d rejoicing in our return "el Hashem," (el is spelled, Alef, Lamed) "to Hashem your G-d with all your heart and all your soul"(30:10). We have moved from turning toward G-d to turning to G-d. ( the Lamed in the word El indicating further closeness). It is not that we have "done" teshuva, it is that we are in a state of teshuva. In that place we experience G-d's mercy in taking us back and that opens a new flow of intimacy.

Returning now to the sequence of Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur: What more poignant symbol is there of G-d's forgiveness than giving us on Yom Kippur the second Tablets. In order to better appreciate the meaning of this gift let us now look at the entire flow of time in this "season" of teshuva.

17th of Tammuz
Our season of teshuva begins on the 17th of Tammuz, the date that
commemorates the breaking of the first Luchot, the first Tablets, as a result
of our sin of worshipping the Golden Calf. This betrayal of our intimacy
with G-d, and the shattering of the Luchot in response, is our first moment of
pain that begins our process of teshuva, of facing what it is we are doing and
have done. The shattering of the Tablets was a shattering of the heart. Each
Luach (singular of Luchot) begins with a Lamed. They were a gift to the
heart of the Jewish people. When the people saw the Tablets shatter, their hearts also
must have broken... and so must ours. When we feel this pain will we
realize in our hearts that we have lost something ? The ability to feel
shattered and face the reality of what we have destroyed is the beginning of
our teshuva. The 17th of Tammuz begins the three weeks of mourning that culminates with Tisha b'Av.

Tisha b'Av
Our pain intensifies as we commemorate Tisha B'Av, the destruction of both
Temples, which were also G-d's gifts of intimacy to us. From this deep place
of anguish we face our responsibililty in creating the spiritual situation
that destroyed the Temples, destroyed the intimate resting places for the
Shechinah, G-d's imminent Divine Presence. Our heart-felt pain is deepened
when we face the reality and acknowledge that we have not only shattered
intimacy with G-d, but that our relationships with each other have been so
destructive that G-d's presence can no longer abide with us. In this broken-
hearted state lies the next stage of our teshuva. Is there hope? We are
comforted over the next seven weeks that our relationship can be restored, and
beginning on Rosh Chodesh Elul we listen to G-d's "voice" calling us through
the shofar to return.

Elul
The month of Elul, with its daily shofar blasts, beckons us to face G-d,
remember, and begin yearning for a return to our once-intimate relationship.
Elul with its two Lameds (Alef, Lamed, Vav, Lamed) has as its most well known
acronym -"Ani L'dodi V'dodi Li," " I am unto my beloved as my Beloved is unto
me." The two Lameds clearly speak of an intimate, beloved, and reciprocal relationship
of the heart. Our longing intensifies with each passing day and our hearts
are full, ready to renew our relationship with G-d on Rosh Hashana.

Rosh Hashana
Rosh Chodesh Tishrei, Rosh Hashana, is a New Year and we turn our hearts
toward G-d and re-crown G-d as Melech (Mem, Lamed, Chof). We spend much of
the Rosh Hashana liturgy reminding ourselves of our covenant with G-d,
recalling both the matriarchs and the pariarchs relationship with G-d, and our
inheritance of that relationship. We are turning to face G-d with even more closeness.
We are ready, with this renewed sense of the purpose of Creation and the
purpose of the Jewish people to repair our relationship. Only now are we
ready to face Yom Kippur.

Yom Kippur
Yom Kippur commemorates G-d's forgiveness for the sin of the Golden
Calf with the giving of the second set of the Luchot, the second Tablets
(the second set of Lameds). G-d's forgiveness tells us that the
relationship can be fixed. If G-d won't forgive us, why do the work necessary to repair
an irreparable relationship? Giving the second set of Luchot, tells us that G-d wants the relationship to continue. So, it is the forgiveness and the Tablets themselves that set into motion the next step of teshuva.

We can repair our relationship. Our intimacy can be restored when we face up
to all of the barriers we have put in the way of our relationship. Our hearts
become even more vulnerable as we pound on them softly, but incessantly, acknowledging
and articulating the full range of sins, from Alef to Tav, that have created distance
from G-d. While we acknowledge our sins, we also remind ourselves of
the purpose of our teshuva. In the Machzor, the Yom Kippur prayer book, we continually
enumerate the kinds of relationships and levels of closeness that we have and want with G-d.
While each relationship has its own important attributes of attachment, there
are two which speak directly to our intimacy with G-d. "We are your intimate
ones and you are our Beloved and we are Your designated ones and You are our
Designated."

Each of the holidays are opportunities for us to do more teshuva, to move from
the pain of the shattered Tablets to the joy of intimate relationship. Our
teshuva is the process which allows us to face the obstacles that stand in the
way of our connection and to remove them so that the relationship can flow
once more.

May this month of Tishrei turn our hearts not only toward G-d but to G-d, and
may our teshuva open the doors of intimacy that we desire between us and G-d
and between us and one another.